Reflections

Wow it is hard to believe how fast time goes!! I am almost done with my first year here at Winona. This last year has been the biggest blessing, scariest yet most exciting and rewarding time of my life. I have grown so much closer to God through experiences that are too many to count. I have met amazing friends, and wonderful people along the way. I was diagnosed officially with my disease in December and have been doing wonderful since then. In just a few short weeks, I will be having my surgery which will be a full Sternotomy Thymectomy. For my readers who are not in medical school (don't worry, I am not either) that means I am having my Thymus gland and the tumor on it removed.
I have been so insanely blessed in ways I couldn't have even imagined. The night before I came to Winona, I had a conversation with my mom about how I just had a feeling that something significant was going to happen this year. Something special. I have had several special things happen so I couldn't pick just one that would be the one I was talking about that night. Some of my blessings this year include

• Growing in my faith
• Leading my friends to the Lord
• Having FABULOUS RA's!!
• Being able to work with the kids in the schools
• Meeting all of the friends that I have
• Getting to share my love for Jesus with others
• Being able to walk again and getting to do normal activities with my friends without limitations
• Seeing God clearly working in my heart and through people around me
• Starting to see where my life is going
• Being supported to unbelievable amounts by my family
• Developing lifelong friendships

The list continues and keeps growing as I am continually blessed by God. 

As the year ends it is very bittersweet. I have enjoyed living in the dorm that I do with all of the wonderful people that I live with. I will miss them next year but look forward to seeing them on campus. 

It is so hard to believe I am almost a sophomore in college. It seems like I just graduated and was getting ready to leave home. Time flies. 

I hope that everyone is well. The flu and bad colds have been going around. Take care and God bless you all!!!! I will probably post one more time before my surgery but not much before then as the school year is coming to a fast and busy close. Love you all!!!

- Alyssa

Life is Beautiful

Wow two posts in one week?! I must be on a roll! I hope everyone is having a wonderful week even though it is only Tuesday =). I know I am. It has been very stressful these last few weeks, but as always, I look at life as one big blessing. I had a beautiful conversation last night with a friend about how so many things in life all depend on how you look at them. Attitude is absolutely everything. If you wake up in the morning and say to yourself "well today is going to suck." Well guess what?! It is!!! If you have that mindset you already are looking at everything in a negative way. I sometimes wake up and feel extremely week or icky, but I tell myself it is going to be a good day. Some days are tough, and we all have bad days. We all go through tough stuff, but God promises that he will never give us more than we can handle. Lately I have really felt pushed to my limit and there have been several instances recently when I have said to people I am close to that God must think I am extremely strong, because life has been anything but easy this last month. I continue to grow closer to God through the trials I have gone through, which to me makes it all worth it.

Sometimes in life, I feel that I know what is best for myself, but if I got to map out my life and if all the plans that I thought were good for me or were meant to be happened instead of letting God take control, man would I be screwed up. One of my favorite bible verses is Jeremiah 29:11. It says
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I am so glad someone has it figured out because I sure don't!
Even though my life has been anything but easy, to me it is beautiful because I let God take control as he is the author of my days. 
Tonight we had bible study up on Garvin Heights in Winona. It was so beautiful. I have never been up there. I really liked it. If any of my readers come to visit me that are not in Winona, I will take you up there!!! I hope everyone is having a blessed week! It is a short one for most of us as Friday is Good Friday. The day my personal Lord and Savior payed the ultimate price for my sin on the cross so that one day I could spend eternity in Heaven free of sin. I hope you all have a wonderful Easter. 

Up on top of Garvin Heights for Bible Study <3

Surgery

My official surgery date is set for May 8th at 8:30 am at Southdale hospital in Edina MN. My tumor will be removed that day, along with my thymus gland. It will then be tested for cancer.  Many people ask me if I am scared. My answer continues to be no. I have absolutely no reason to be afraid because all of my trust is in the Lord. He has a plan for me, and anything that happens is all in his hands. I trust completely in him, and whatever happens is in his control. I do at times get nervous, but then I pray for reassurance, and hope. God has given me so much strength throughout my last 5 years with this disease, it continues to amaze me. Even though somedays physically I have been too weak to walk, get dressed on my own, and even brush my hair without help, I have felt so strong through my God. I look completely to him to get me through the weakest of my days.
I thank all of you for the love and support. The kind words are so humbling. I appreciate your prayers. God bless every single one of you <3 Also I want to say a special thank you to those of you who tell me time and time again that you think I am strong. It means a lot to hear that. I get all of my strength from God. He is the reason I am strong, the reason I am happy through the scariest time of my life, the reason I continue to have hope on hopeless days, and the reason I believe. A very special friend of mine posted on her wall the other day the words "My God is stronger than the grave." These are the words from one of my favorite songs. God absolutely stronger than anything. With him, we all are as well. With God, we can face any mountain or trial with confidence.

I thank you all again from the bottom of my heart for every prayer, every kind word, and every reassuring hug. I love you all so much! God bless <3

To have the words to say

First of all, yes I know it has been very long, and yes I know Nathan tells me I often start my blog posts this way, but this has been the longest I have ever gone without posting. I have opened my blog several times, and started to type, but just never had the words to say.

Ill start with Spring Break. It was an absolutely amazing time. I got to see my friends and family. I spent time with the most special person in the world to me, my sister Ashley. She is my everything. I had a Mary Kay party which was very fun, I went on a date with Nathan, and a double date with our best friends. The last thing was one of my very favorite parts, my doctors appointment, which leads me to my next thought.

The last weekday of my spring break, which was Friday, I had my doctors appointment with my Neurologist. This appointment was to see if I would need steroid treatments for my lungs before surgery because with my disease, my lungs are weak, and may not tolerate surgery well. My neurologist talked to my surgeon and they decided that my lungs are strong enough for surgery without the steroids!! Praise God!! Steroids can have harmful side effects. I am just so unbelievably blessed. I could not possibly love life any more than I do. I feel like I may be the happiest person alive!! =)

I thank all of you for reading my blog, I love all of you so much!!  I have been so busy, I promise I will update more during summer, since I will have nothing but time from being laid up. I am looking forward to that time as I will be able to get further in my book "Strength Through Jesus" about going through life with a diagnosed disease. I am also looking forward to all of the uninterrupted time I will get to spend with God. This experience has helped me continue to grow. Yes it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, but I would not change one single minute of it. This journey has completely changed my life. I have learned to live every single moment for Jesus Christ, and to me that is worth it all. 

Love you all, God bless you, and enjoy this beautiful weather and these amazing days in God's creation!!!!

P.S. If you want to, leave me a comment and let me know you were here! =) it's nice to know who reads my blog so I can thank you personally. God bless you!!!! <3

Grateful

This week has been really tough because of midterms, so to my grandma's, I apologize for not posting.
Lately, I have been having a really hard time gripping the harsh reality of the long term effects of my disease, and all of the risks that surgery will contain in a few short months. I pray to God every day that I do not dwell on those horrible things, as he has them all under control. I have been talking to people from my Myasthenia Gravis support group, and they have all said that the surgery was excruciating, and your sternum will pop for a few months and you may hear the wires crunching, but in the long run, it was the best decision they have made was to have surgery as it improved their quality of life. I however do not have a choice as whether or not to have surgery as I have a growing tumor in my chest cavity. It will all be okay, I have faith in God.
Sorry, that was sort of my little venting session.
I am eternally grateful for the absolutely amazing support I have gotten from my wonderful friends here in Winona. They have kept me sane. My bible study girls have been here for me and praying for me which has been so amazing. I want to take a minute to thank those of you who have been praying for me this week especially. I am not going to name anyone as I am afraid I would miss someone. You are all so wonderful. It has been really stressful with midterms, as stress escalates my disease, and makes it worse and harder to deal with. The support system I have, brings me to tears almost every time I think about it. I constantly have people telling me how strong I am, how they are praying for me, and how they look up   to me. That to me is constantly amazing. I see people all over campus wearing my support bracelets, and about brings the tears every time. Seeing that support and feeling it, I cannot put into words. And then on top of that I have my biggest supporters which are my family. My mom who has never ever given up on me or stopped believing in me, my dad and the rest of my family. Also Nathan. He has been by my side for almost three years now and has held my hand through every single thing and has loved me regardless of what I was going through. His family has been wonderful as well. I am eternally grateful. Lastly, to the amazing RA's of Sheehan, who are always here for me when I need them most, especially Megan, who has been the older sister I prayed for when I was little. Calli, who always tells me how sweet I am and gives the greatest hugs. Jessica, who can make me smile even when tears are running down my cheeks, and I go in her room for one thing and then we talk for four hours. Briana, who listens to me no matter what, always knows what to say and always encourages me. And of course Autumn who always tells me she is so excited to see me walking, and how happy for me she is =) They have all been soo wonderful!!
I am so unbelivably blessed, I can hardly put it into words how grateful I am, and how blessed I am by God. He just keeps revealing wonderful things to me. I could not possibly love life any more than I do now. Thank you again everyone for all of you prayers. God bless every single one of you. I love you all so much!! xoxo
Alyssa <3

Much Needed Weekend!

This weekend couldn't have come faster. Tomorrow my family is coming to see me, and my precious Godchild Braden is going to stay with me in my dorm and I cannot wait! He is quite the charmer, and this dorm has 520 girls!! He is going to be in his element haha! My family is staying in a hotel so we will get to go swimming!! One of my very favorite things to do =)

God has continued to put amazing people in my life. I am so overwhelmingly blessed by the way he is working in my heart, and by showing me how he is working in other people. I have definitely had personal growth, along with being able to watch others that I am very close to, grow as well. God is so amazing and so wonderful. A lot of people ask me if I am scared for my surgery this summer. My response is always "no." It will continue to be no. I put all my faith and trust in God. He is the one who is in charge and in control of my life and what happens, not me. I can either sit here, worry and have a heart attack over it, or I can give it to God and be at peace in knowing that he is in control and he already has it covered. God is cool like that =). So no, I am not scared. God already knows what will happen, and he has a plan. People also tell me I am strong. Well thank you, that means a lot to me, it really does, but all of that strength comes from God. Without him I am no one at all. I have no strength without the Lord because he IS my strength. I do not have to dwell on the bad things in life. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10 Be Still and know that I am God. I love that verse, because God has it all under control. My life is anything but easy, but with God, it is all possible. He is the author of my days, and the lover of my soul. Why would I need to worry?  =) I'm so glad that he has it all figured out because I sure don't. Glad someone does! haha

Recently one of my friends who I have been praying for a lot, is coming to know the Lord, so praise God for that!

Have a safe and wonderful weekend everyone! I love you all! As always, thank you for reading my blog and keeping up with my hectic life!! God bless you, and thank you for your prayers!!

Busy Week

I have been really busy lately, therefore neglected to post. 19 credits can be extremely time consuming. Anyway, hello everyone. Many of you know that from the doctor, I got the results so many of you (thank you) were praying for. I will have surgery in May, I will have a full sternal split, which is the same process as open heart surgery. My thymus glad, and thymoma (tumor on thymus gland) will be removed. A needle biopsy proved impossible due to the location, so looking at the shape of it, they are going to trust that it is cancer free. In preparation for my surgery, I will undergo IVIG treatment, which is a therapy that will strengthen my lungs, therefore reducing the risk that I will go into respiratory failure. People with my disease do not do well in surgery because of weak lungs. If I do not have this therapy, there is a chance that I will end up in the ICU on a breathing machine and have a lung infection, do not want that, therefore I will be going thru lung treatments before the surgery. I do not know the specific date of my surgery but it will be sometime around May 15th. It will be at Southdale hospital in Edina MN. I will be in the hospital about 3 days if no complications arise. Will let u know more on that as it gets closer. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support. I will post a picture of my chest scan below so you can see my tumor.

                 The two white masses in the middle of my chest that look like a butt, is my tumor. The black is my lung cavity, you can also see my ribs on the outside. I thought this was fascinating.

School has been very busy, I have had a lot of stressful events in my life lately. My RA Jessica was wonderful this week. I had a complete breakdown and she was there to help me through it. She made me feel so much better. I mention the RA's a lot in my posts, but they are simply wonderful, and I cannot nor would I want to imagine my freshman year without them.

Well Valentines day is on Tuesday. I am sad that I will not get to be with my Valentine. He will be here in spirit. He also told me he sent me something special in the mail =). Cannot wait to get it!!

Tuesday is the one year anniversary of the day my Nana flew home to be with Jesus. It will be tough, but peaceful knowing she is home with her family in Heaven. She is celebrating with her husband, my grandpa Walter. Cannot believe it has been a year already. Wow how time flies.

Well thats all I have time for now, but I love all of you so much, I love all your wonderful comments, please feel free to message me on facebook anytime as well! I love hearing from you!! Much love to you all and God bless you!!