The new normal

It has been a week since one of the most beautiful girls in my life danced up to Jesus. Kari was insanely beautiful, smart, loving, wonderful and just about every other positive word you can imagine, that was our Kari. She will forever be remembered for her beautiful smile, laugh and acceptingness of others. She had one of the brightest spirits of anyone I know. Everyone who knew her, loved her. Kari not a day goes by when I do not think of you at least 10 times. I pray right now that your family is finding peace in knowing that you are watching over them. I love you sweet Kare Bear.

   

Being in Winona has been very tough this week as I have had to leave all of my friends who are together at home and all have each other, where I am here without them. I certainly am not alone though because I have my amazing heavenly father, my wonderful Winona friends who have been extremely supportive in this, and of course kare bear watching over me. Sometimes I swear I can actually feel her with me. I can still hear her laugh in my head and that makes me smile. 

With classes starting tomorrow, so does the so called "new normal." I am trying my hardest to be happy and excited, but with all that has happened this week it has been hard. I just pray that God will guide me in whatever direction he wants to go. 

For all Kari's friends who are reading this, you guys are absolutely amazing, I couldn't believe how many came to her service. I know she was smiling down when she saw just how many people cared. God bless you all and I pray for you guys everyday as school will start soon.

The major lesson I have learned this week is to never ever forget to tell someone just how much you love them, because you never know when you're not going to have another chance. God bless you all and be with you this week. Smile because there is a new bright angel smiling down on you. We actually have 4 new angels and all from Lakeville. This week was a tough week for our town. Just remember how sacred life is. We all have different amounts of time on this earth. Always be ready for God. 

                                                                    Lakeville Angels

God bless

<3 Alyssa

Here Goes Nothing

Well, insomnia strikes again. Okay maybe I am just excited for my date with Nathan tomorrow and can't sleep. I really don't know when I'll have time to do another blog post before school starts in three days, so I figured I would just write one now while my eyes shoot open every time I try to lay down. =)

Yes I do move back to school in three days, crazy I know. There are a lot of mixed emotions when I think about going back to school. As excited as I am to see my friends and be independent again, it makes me a little sad at the thought of leaving my mom and sister as I have gotten so used to seeing them again. This year is going to be filled with exciting new things. I will hopefully be getting a job when I get down there, I have an internship and the elementary school, I will be co-leading a Bible study, and oh yeah the reason I am there! School!! There will be lots of studying going on. This  year I am really going to need to learn how to balance everything. Now if you have known me since I was little you'll know that I was pretty much born without any sort of coordination whatsoever, so any aspect of balance, even the literal meaning, comes hard to me. Now lets try to actually apply it to life. Yeah, that might be interesting. That is where I give it all to God. I know that he is sending me back to Winona State again this year for a reason, and as busy as I may be, it will all be to honor and glorify God.

Great News!!! I got an internship already for next summer!! God is so good =) He always provides for our needs if we completely believe and trust in him. 

Psalm 37:5 - Commit everything to the Lord, trust him and he will help you. 

I really am looking forward to this year as overwhelming as it will be. Last year was a complete eye opener. I went through a lot of changes this summer with my surgery and having ample amounts of time to reflect. Plus it will be my first year in college without a thymus gland!! (random fact, as you don't need your thymus gland to live a normal life, but I thought it was exciting). So here I go, getting ready to continue this chapter in life with God as my guide. I hope to be able to have a lot of really cool experiences in faith this year that I will be able to share <3 As for now, I go to college being ready to be used by God for whatever he has planned for me. 

Love you all so much <3

God Bless

Tears are Okay.

This is a different kind of post. I never try to sound like I am playing the "why me" card because that certainly is never the intention, very rarely do I feel sorry for myself. I try to never let it get to that because I know God is bringing me through this for a reason. With a progressive disease, at times it's hard not to feel discouraged in a society where everyone expects the highest of you, and expects strength because you have been so strong before. These last few days have been hard, as I have noticed increasing muscle weakness. I try not to get discouraged and stay positive. I am still on the lowest dose of medication so I have a long way to go before there is nothing left that can be done, and I am not in need of any weekly IV treatments yet. I am trusting in God that if it is his will, I will never have to get to that point. God has gotten me this far so I know he will just keep on providing. Whatever happens is all completely according to his plan and I have the highest amount of faith.

I did not write this post so that others will feel sorry for me. Please don't because I don't at all. This is the life I have been given for a very special reason. I may never know what that reason is, but this life comes with many blessings. Even though somedays I can hardly get out of bed, I have an amazing support system and most importantly I get to tell others about the love God has for them. The reason I did write this post is because I have had many people tell me recently that I am so strong, and I thank you all for that from the bottom of my heart, it means a lot and I give all the glory to God, but I do have bad days. Days where I get discouraged, feel like giving up, and hating everything about what I have been given. Those are the days where I draw closest to God. The days I need to realize all of the things I do have. Anyone who has a disease, or has had something bad happen to them will occasionally feel like life sucks. We all do sometimes. I look at those days as my "reality check" days. Sometimes I get a little too comfortable when things are going well and forget to give every single ounce of glory to God. The bad days are the days when I get my focus back on the one who's truly important.

One of my greatest friends reminded me lately that it IS okay to cry. We are only human. Life gets hard sometimes, but those are the times God is closest. It seems hard to believe because sometimes those are the days we feel he is the farthest away. He isn't, he's right there waiting for you to reach out to him.
One of my very favorite quotes is by Gordon B. Hinckley, "When life gets too hard to stand, kneel." Kneel and pray to our loving father who will raise you back up.


I love you all so much. Again, I don't ever want anyone to feel sorry for me, this is the life I was given and yes at times its hard, but I would not change it for the world.

God bless

-
Alyssa

This life is.

Wow does time ever fly. Summer is almost over, and school starts in three weeks!! As I sit here tonight blasting worship music (a daily occurrence), I am reflecting on my summer. It has been a challenging, scary but simply amazing one. I think I have learned more this summer than I have in a long time. About myself that is. I know, summer time is supposed to be a break from learning right? Well not this one. God has shown me many things. I have learned what it really truly means to put all my faith and trust in him. That is exactly what I intend to do this year as I will face many obstacles ahead. I was talking to one of my best friends today and she said this year is going to be a "roller coaster." Yes it probably will be, but with God all around me, its going to be the ride of my life as I let him use me for what he wants to and I will allow him to fully work through me. It may be a roller coaster, but we serve an amazing God who never fails through the ups OR the downs. It's not always easy but everything that happens is always according to God's plan. I have learned from every single hard time, every challenge and every trial. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said "I gain strength, courage and confidence by every tough experience."

This year I am definitely looking forward to growing more in my faith, making lots of new  and being able to bring them to church and lead them to God.

“Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved.’ But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? Romans 10:13-15 

I pray that through the trials in my life, I can help others realize that I get through it simply by the grace of God. He is the reason I am still here and the reason I live this life. 

This life is....

Challenging, scary at times, unknown, beautiful, and WORTH IT! I would not change one thing I have gone through because every single thing has brought me that much closer to God. It is worth it. Being able to tell others about his love, there is nothing better. In just a few short weeks I'll return to Winona State, and I intend to do just that, tell others about 

God's love. <3

God bless

 I love each and every one of  you

God Given Confidence (9 weeks since surgery)

Well it has officially been nine weeks since surgery, and I could not possibly be more blessed. Everything is almost completely healed! This crazy journey has almost come to an end, and I would not have changed one thing. It's crazy to think  that time keeps moving so fast. It almost brings me to tears when I think about how God has been working in my life. I prayed and prayed that he would use me to impact others lives and to help show people the love he has for them. It came in the most unexpected way.
After my surgery I have a footlong scar from my chest bone to my belly. I sometimes forget it is there until I notice someone looking at it. At first I was extremely self conscious about it and often would try to cover it up. I prayed that I wouldn't feel that way. People would ask me what happened and I would tell them. It wasn't until I was in Wisconsin on vacation with my family that I had realized God was answering more than one prayer. He was using my scar as a way to be able to tell others about my journey with my illness and how he was the reason I got through it all. I have been able to share amazing things with others about God's love for not only me but them as well. I was meant all along to have a scar on my chest. He also answered the confidence prayer, in a far greater way then I could ever have imagined. I am so beyond blessed to see and feel him working in my life. Looking back on this journey, I used to wonder God why me. I now know why. This amazing picture has been painted through the trials I have gone through. I can look back and see that this was the plan all along. I trusted in him even though I did not know the outcome. Now I do, and it amazes me more than ever. In just a few short weeks, I am going to be returning to Winona State as a bible study leader. I feel completely prepared and confident as God is equipping me each day. I will trust completely in him as I have through all the trials completed this far. God is the author of all my days, and I am leaving it up to him. He has done amazing things, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds. God bless you all.

Always remember that God has a plan for you. He planned your life out even before time began.

Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

The Contents of One's Heart

Hello my beautiful readers, yes again my usual "it's been awhile" phrase. I have been very busy lately. Recovery is going well, yesterday marked seven weeks since surgery. I am almost completely healed! Praise God =). I have thoroughly enjoyed all of my wonderful visitors!!! I am now able to leave home and go out and do things. It has been very nice because I was going stir crazy just being at home. I got to experience IKEA for the first time with Cassie and Brandon which was a blast =) but anything I do with them I thoroughly enjoy because I simply adore them. On Saturday I am going to a grad party and will then be in my hometown of Minocqua WI from Saturday until Tuesday, so I very much look forward to seeing friends that I have known since Kindergarten.

I just continue to be blessed by God. It has not been easy as more health problems are arising now that the chemistry of my body changes as my thymus gland is no longer in the picture. Thankfully its not as serious as it could have been. It is not related to my heart which is good. I just keep trusting in God through everything and he just keeps bringing me through all the trials because he knows the plan for me.
My friends have been extremely amazing! I don't quite know what I would have done without them these last few weeks as I have faced some personal challenges that God is helping me through. I thank God for my friends everyday. In life we are faced with many challenges, and fear of the unknown. That fear can be completely overwhelming if you do not give them all to God. It is tough at times but surrender your heart to God and you will no longer be afraid. That is how I went six months with not knowing if my tumor was cancerous or not <3. Psalm 27:1 says "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be  afraid?" Just remember that God is in control and he loves you more than you'll ever know!!

I love you all so much and thank you for your continued prayers and support!! I have definitely felt the prayers <3

Have a safe and happy 4th of July!!! *** <--- Fireworks =P

God bless you all <3
Much Love


-Alyssa

Through The Hands of A Surgeon

This post is going to be probably the most reflective, hard, happy, beautiful, post for me that I have done. This time in my life is where I have been the most scared, but the closest to God.

It all started about 6 years ago now when I started being unable to walk. It was a long process of going to see 24 doctors, 5 neurologists, a physical therapist, chiropractor and having countless MRI's, CT scans, EMG's, EEG's, and blood tests before figuring out on December 19th 2011 that I had a rare neuromuscular disorder know as Myasthenia Gravis. I have since been put on medicine that lessens the severity of the symptoms of this life altering disease. 

I had an appointment with my neurologist to have an MRI of my chest to check my lung strength because of my disease, and right after my church conference that I had been too, January 9th 2012 I learned that I had a pingpong ball size tumor attached to my thymus gland that was growing close to my heart. We had to make a decision, not knowing if it was cancerous or not and because of the location, it was impossible to biopsy. I made a decision that I was not going to worry about it, leave it completely in God's hands and that I would finish my freshman year at Winona State. With lots of prayers and support from family, friends and my church family at The Edge, I was comforted. I never really was scared at all because I had complete faith in God that he would take care of me and he already knew the outcome so there was no need for me to worry. 

May 8th - Surgery Day

We woke up at about 6 am as we needed to be at the hospital by 8. With me, my best friend Kayla who had driven 4 hours the night before to be there for me, and my mom, we headed to the hospital with my sister and her friend Emilee following behind us. We met my dad at the hospital. I was walking in the skyway to registration and the sky was absolutely beautiful. I was completely at peace. I saw my dad, hugged everyone, and headed back to get ready. While I was back there I had a few minutes to myself while the nurse was busy and thats when I had the clearest conversation with God that I had ever had in my life before. It was beautiful. Shortly after that the nurse brought my family back to say one last goodbye to Kayla and my sister before I went to surgery. It was very emotional for me as I hugged my best friend. It was so special to have her there. My mom and dad came to the Pre-Op room with me right until they took me back for surgery. I got my IV, kissed my parents goodbye and was wheeled down what seemed like a million different hallways. The lights were bright above my head and I was still whispering to Jesus. We finally got to the room and there were about 15 people in there waiting for me. It was a sea of blue. People dressed from head to toe in sterile gowns and masks. They put me on the bed and tucked me in. The nurse put a mask on my face to put me to sleep and I talked to Jesus until I couldn't remember talking to him anymore. 

I woke up about 3 hours later in lots of pain but I had made it =) I started talking to Jesus again. The nurses told me that the first person I was asking for when I got out of surgery was Kayla. That makes perfect sense to me =). Before I knew it, my family was by my side and Kayla was holding my hand. I don't remember much for a while after that. It was such an amazing blessing to have my family there by my side through every thing. I cannot even describe to you in words how it felt knowing they were there. 

After coming out of surgery. Mom put a flower in my hair. 

Ashley and I that night

My hospital stay I will never forget. I had amazing nurses and doctors, and in my opinion, the best surgeon in the world. I had tubes coming out of my belly, and my oxygen dropped very low a few times. Every time I got up to go to the bathroom, I had to drag all of the machines along and carried the long tubes that were sticking out of me, gross I know. The second night we had a medicine mishap that left me violently throwing up, if you can imagine how that felt after having your chest split. 

I'll never forget the first nurse I had, her name was Nora. She was the nurse my whole first day after surgery. I talked to her about God, we had a beautiful conversation about faith and we sang hymns together. She said "I have never done this before but can I hug you? You are full of so much life and light for Jesus." To me, that was so beautiful to hear that I was still shining for Jesus less than 24 hours after being (as according to the guy from the blood lab) "split open like a thanksgiving turkey." I also had a nurse Kristina, who wore a flower in her hair one day because I had always had one in mine =)

I stayed in the hospital for 5 days and had a lot of lovely visitors, my family was always there. My grandpa was even there and he was having brain surgery a week later. He is doing great, Praise God. I came home on my sisters birthday where I laid on the couch for about a week. Of course getting up several times to move around, do breathing exercises, go to the bathroom etc. 

My grandma from South Carolina was here for 2 weeks to take care of me as mom and dad had to go to work and Ashley was at school. I simply could have not done it without her!! Shout out to you Grandma Chris!! Thank you again and love you!!

Nathan has also been amazingly wonderful. He has been very understanding, caring and helpful, even when I may have been in pain, crabby, tired or just short on patience. 

It has been one month from my surgery (tuesday, tomorrow). I am getting better and better every day. My ribs, sternum and lungs are all healing as they should be, my x-rays looked great and my incision is healing as well. 

Part of my scar, about 4 more inches down towards my tummy. You can still see bruising

Just takin it one day at a time (tank-top not bra)

This is an experience I will never forget, and one that I would not change for the world. It was not "FUN" by any means, but it made me appreciate life even more than I already do. 

Thank you all so much for your love, prayers and continued support. I love you all more than words can even describe. Don't ever forget that nothing is impossible with God. 

Phillipians 4:13 - I CAN do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength 

- <3 Alyssa