Tears are Okay.

This is a different kind of post. I never try to sound like I am playing the "why me" card because that certainly is never the intention, very rarely do I feel sorry for myself. I try to never let it get to that because I know God is bringing me through this for a reason. With a progressive disease, at times it's hard not to feel discouraged in a society where everyone expects the highest of you, and expects strength because you have been so strong before. These last few days have been hard, as I have noticed increasing muscle weakness. I try not to get discouraged and stay positive. I am still on the lowest dose of medication so I have a long way to go before there is nothing left that can be done, and I am not in need of any weekly IV treatments yet. I am trusting in God that if it is his will, I will never have to get to that point. God has gotten me this far so I know he will just keep on providing. Whatever happens is all completely according to his plan and I have the highest amount of faith.

I did not write this post so that others will feel sorry for me. Please don't because I don't at all. This is the life I have been given for a very special reason. I may never know what that reason is, but this life comes with many blessings. Even though somedays I can hardly get out of bed, I have an amazing support system and most importantly I get to tell others about the love God has for them. The reason I did write this post is because I have had many people tell me recently that I am so strong, and I thank you all for that from the bottom of my heart, it means a lot and I give all the glory to God, but I do have bad days. Days where I get discouraged, feel like giving up, and hating everything about what I have been given. Those are the days where I draw closest to God. The days I need to realize all of the things I do have. Anyone who has a disease, or has had something bad happen to them will occasionally feel like life sucks. We all do sometimes. I look at those days as my "reality check" days. Sometimes I get a little too comfortable when things are going well and forget to give every single ounce of glory to God. The bad days are the days when I get my focus back on the one who's truly important.

One of my greatest friends reminded me lately that it IS okay to cry. We are only human. Life gets hard sometimes, but those are the times God is closest. It seems hard to believe because sometimes those are the days we feel he is the farthest away. He isn't, he's right there waiting for you to reach out to him.
One of my very favorite quotes is by Gordon B. Hinckley, "When life gets too hard to stand, kneel." Kneel and pray to our loving father who will raise you back up.


I love you all so much. Again, I don't ever want anyone to feel sorry for me, this is the life I was given and yes at times its hard, but I would not change it for the world.

God bless

-
Alyssa