Life Lately

Since I have not posted in almost two months, I think it's time!! Life has been busy as usual and I have been going non stop. I apologize to my grandmas who always look for a new post, well here ya go!!

What have I been up to lately? Studying like crazy. I have many obligations to fulfill before applying to the WSU education program in the spring. There are a lot of requirements, and it is a pretty strict process where not everyone gets in.
I have been very involved in church this year which has been absolutely wonderful. I have been loving every minute of it! I co-lead a Bible study on Tuesday nights and I have an amazing group of girls that come so it has been a huge blessing!!! I am on the prayer team at church which has also been wonderful. Last weekend I went with our college ministry on the fall retreat called The Gathering. It was an awesome time full of worship and fellowship. God revealed some pretty cool things to me about my future and some different plans which I will update more on in the future (because I am already so great at updating my blog the way it is now, I know). God has been so unbelievably faithful during my time at Winona. It constantly amazes me at how much he loves me even though I do not deserve it at all. No matter what we do in life, God will still always love us and forgive us if we ask him to. I love him with all of my being.
Whenever I share what I have gone through in my life people ask me time and again,"Alyssa how do you do it?" Every time my answer is the same. I don't, God does. He directs me, helps me, heals me, encourages me, lifts me up, forgives me, and gives me hope for the future. Thats how. There is no other explanation as to how I made it this far because without him I would not have.

This last week I started helping a family from church with 5 children. This past Monday was my first time, but it was so incredibly amazing to be with them. They have some of the most beautiful children I have ever seen and they are one of those families that are just such a joy to be around. It has been such a blessing already and I just started!! How lucky am I?! =)

I went home this weekend and I got to spend time with my mom and sister which is always wonderful. I love being home. It is always a nice refresher. There are few greater things in this world than hugs from mom!!

This post jumps around a lot and I apologize. I guess I should update more so I do not have to make these so long!!!
On Tuesdays I am continuing to mentor a 7th grade girl who struggles in school and I love it. I was with her last year and it has been so nice to see the improvements! On Thursdays I work at an after school program for kids in low income housing. Every week it is an eye opener. These children have a lot of behavior issues, but they just need to be loved. Going there is often times the highlight of my week but very challenging at time. It feels good to know that I can show them that I care.

Well, thats about all for now. Life is busy, but I just try to live everyday to the fullest and serve, honor and glorify God with all of my being. I am trying to live my life to fulfill the purpose he has for me. I do not know what that is yet, but I try the best I can to be the best I can be.

Thanks so much for reading this!! I love you all so much!

Stay healthy and warm! Try to avoid the icky flu bugs going around.
God bless <3

The new normal

It has been a week since one of the most beautiful girls in my life danced up to Jesus. Kari was insanely beautiful, smart, loving, wonderful and just about every other positive word you can imagine, that was our Kari. She will forever be remembered for her beautiful smile, laugh and acceptingness of others. She had one of the brightest spirits of anyone I know. Everyone who knew her, loved her. Kari not a day goes by when I do not think of you at least 10 times. I pray right now that your family is finding peace in knowing that you are watching over them. I love you sweet Kare Bear.

   

Being in Winona has been very tough this week as I have had to leave all of my friends who are together at home and all have each other, where I am here without them. I certainly am not alone though because I have my amazing heavenly father, my wonderful Winona friends who have been extremely supportive in this, and of course kare bear watching over me. Sometimes I swear I can actually feel her with me. I can still hear her laugh in my head and that makes me smile. 

With classes starting tomorrow, so does the so called "new normal." I am trying my hardest to be happy and excited, but with all that has happened this week it has been hard. I just pray that God will guide me in whatever direction he wants to go. 

For all Kari's friends who are reading this, you guys are absolutely amazing, I couldn't believe how many came to her service. I know she was smiling down when she saw just how many people cared. God bless you all and I pray for you guys everyday as school will start soon.

The major lesson I have learned this week is to never ever forget to tell someone just how much you love them, because you never know when you're not going to have another chance. God bless you all and be with you this week. Smile because there is a new bright angel smiling down on you. We actually have 4 new angels and all from Lakeville. This week was a tough week for our town. Just remember how sacred life is. We all have different amounts of time on this earth. Always be ready for God. 

                                                                    Lakeville Angels

God bless

<3 Alyssa

Here Goes Nothing

Well, insomnia strikes again. Okay maybe I am just excited for my date with Nathan tomorrow and can't sleep. I really don't know when I'll have time to do another blog post before school starts in three days, so I figured I would just write one now while my eyes shoot open every time I try to lay down. =)

Yes I do move back to school in three days, crazy I know. There are a lot of mixed emotions when I think about going back to school. As excited as I am to see my friends and be independent again, it makes me a little sad at the thought of leaving my mom and sister as I have gotten so used to seeing them again. This year is going to be filled with exciting new things. I will hopefully be getting a job when I get down there, I have an internship and the elementary school, I will be co-leading a Bible study, and oh yeah the reason I am there! School!! There will be lots of studying going on. This  year I am really going to need to learn how to balance everything. Now if you have known me since I was little you'll know that I was pretty much born without any sort of coordination whatsoever, so any aspect of balance, even the literal meaning, comes hard to me. Now lets try to actually apply it to life. Yeah, that might be interesting. That is where I give it all to God. I know that he is sending me back to Winona State again this year for a reason, and as busy as I may be, it will all be to honor and glorify God.

Great News!!! I got an internship already for next summer!! God is so good =) He always provides for our needs if we completely believe and trust in him. 

Psalm 37:5 - Commit everything to the Lord, trust him and he will help you. 

I really am looking forward to this year as overwhelming as it will be. Last year was a complete eye opener. I went through a lot of changes this summer with my surgery and having ample amounts of time to reflect. Plus it will be my first year in college without a thymus gland!! (random fact, as you don't need your thymus gland to live a normal life, but I thought it was exciting). So here I go, getting ready to continue this chapter in life with God as my guide. I hope to be able to have a lot of really cool experiences in faith this year that I will be able to share <3 As for now, I go to college being ready to be used by God for whatever he has planned for me. 

Love you all so much <3

God Bless

Tears are Okay.

This is a different kind of post. I never try to sound like I am playing the "why me" card because that certainly is never the intention, very rarely do I feel sorry for myself. I try to never let it get to that because I know God is bringing me through this for a reason. With a progressive disease, at times it's hard not to feel discouraged in a society where everyone expects the highest of you, and expects strength because you have been so strong before. These last few days have been hard, as I have noticed increasing muscle weakness. I try not to get discouraged and stay positive. I am still on the lowest dose of medication so I have a long way to go before there is nothing left that can be done, and I am not in need of any weekly IV treatments yet. I am trusting in God that if it is his will, I will never have to get to that point. God has gotten me this far so I know he will just keep on providing. Whatever happens is all completely according to his plan and I have the highest amount of faith.

I did not write this post so that others will feel sorry for me. Please don't because I don't at all. This is the life I have been given for a very special reason. I may never know what that reason is, but this life comes with many blessings. Even though somedays I can hardly get out of bed, I have an amazing support system and most importantly I get to tell others about the love God has for them. The reason I did write this post is because I have had many people tell me recently that I am so strong, and I thank you all for that from the bottom of my heart, it means a lot and I give all the glory to God, but I do have bad days. Days where I get discouraged, feel like giving up, and hating everything about what I have been given. Those are the days where I draw closest to God. The days I need to realize all of the things I do have. Anyone who has a disease, or has had something bad happen to them will occasionally feel like life sucks. We all do sometimes. I look at those days as my "reality check" days. Sometimes I get a little too comfortable when things are going well and forget to give every single ounce of glory to God. The bad days are the days when I get my focus back on the one who's truly important.

One of my greatest friends reminded me lately that it IS okay to cry. We are only human. Life gets hard sometimes, but those are the times God is closest. It seems hard to believe because sometimes those are the days we feel he is the farthest away. He isn't, he's right there waiting for you to reach out to him.
One of my very favorite quotes is by Gordon B. Hinckley, "When life gets too hard to stand, kneel." Kneel and pray to our loving father who will raise you back up.


I love you all so much. Again, I don't ever want anyone to feel sorry for me, this is the life I was given and yes at times its hard, but I would not change it for the world.

God bless

-
Alyssa

This life is.

Wow does time ever fly. Summer is almost over, and school starts in three weeks!! As I sit here tonight blasting worship music (a daily occurrence), I am reflecting on my summer. It has been a challenging, scary but simply amazing one. I think I have learned more this summer than I have in a long time. About myself that is. I know, summer time is supposed to be a break from learning right? Well not this one. God has shown me many things. I have learned what it really truly means to put all my faith and trust in him. That is exactly what I intend to do this year as I will face many obstacles ahead. I was talking to one of my best friends today and she said this year is going to be a "roller coaster." Yes it probably will be, but with God all around me, its going to be the ride of my life as I let him use me for what he wants to and I will allow him to fully work through me. It may be a roller coaster, but we serve an amazing God who never fails through the ups OR the downs. It's not always easy but everything that happens is always according to God's plan. I have learned from every single hard time, every challenge and every trial. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said "I gain strength, courage and confidence by every tough experience."

This year I am definitely looking forward to growing more in my faith, making lots of new  and being able to bring them to church and lead them to God.

“Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved.’ But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? Romans 10:13-15 

I pray that through the trials in my life, I can help others realize that I get through it simply by the grace of God. He is the reason I am still here and the reason I live this life. 

This life is....

Challenging, scary at times, unknown, beautiful, and WORTH IT! I would not change one thing I have gone through because every single thing has brought me that much closer to God. It is worth it. Being able to tell others about his love, there is nothing better. In just a few short weeks I'll return to Winona State, and I intend to do just that, tell others about 

God's love. <3

God bless

 I love each and every one of  you

God Given Confidence (9 weeks since surgery)

Well it has officially been nine weeks since surgery, and I could not possibly be more blessed. Everything is almost completely healed! This crazy journey has almost come to an end, and I would not have changed one thing. It's crazy to think  that time keeps moving so fast. It almost brings me to tears when I think about how God has been working in my life. I prayed and prayed that he would use me to impact others lives and to help show people the love he has for them. It came in the most unexpected way.
After my surgery I have a footlong scar from my chest bone to my belly. I sometimes forget it is there until I notice someone looking at it. At first I was extremely self conscious about it and often would try to cover it up. I prayed that I wouldn't feel that way. People would ask me what happened and I would tell them. It wasn't until I was in Wisconsin on vacation with my family that I had realized God was answering more than one prayer. He was using my scar as a way to be able to tell others about my journey with my illness and how he was the reason I got through it all. I have been able to share amazing things with others about God's love for not only me but them as well. I was meant all along to have a scar on my chest. He also answered the confidence prayer, in a far greater way then I could ever have imagined. I am so beyond blessed to see and feel him working in my life. Looking back on this journey, I used to wonder God why me. I now know why. This amazing picture has been painted through the trials I have gone through. I can look back and see that this was the plan all along. I trusted in him even though I did not know the outcome. Now I do, and it amazes me more than ever. In just a few short weeks, I am going to be returning to Winona State as a bible study leader. I feel completely prepared and confident as God is equipping me each day. I will trust completely in him as I have through all the trials completed this far. God is the author of all my days, and I am leaving it up to him. He has done amazing things, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds. God bless you all.

Always remember that God has a plan for you. He planned your life out even before time began.

Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

The Contents of One's Heart

Hello my beautiful readers, yes again my usual "it's been awhile" phrase. I have been very busy lately. Recovery is going well, yesterday marked seven weeks since surgery. I am almost completely healed! Praise God =). I have thoroughly enjoyed all of my wonderful visitors!!! I am now able to leave home and go out and do things. It has been very nice because I was going stir crazy just being at home. I got to experience IKEA for the first time with Cassie and Brandon which was a blast =) but anything I do with them I thoroughly enjoy because I simply adore them. On Saturday I am going to a grad party and will then be in my hometown of Minocqua WI from Saturday until Tuesday, so I very much look forward to seeing friends that I have known since Kindergarten.

I just continue to be blessed by God. It has not been easy as more health problems are arising now that the chemistry of my body changes as my thymus gland is no longer in the picture. Thankfully its not as serious as it could have been. It is not related to my heart which is good. I just keep trusting in God through everything and he just keeps bringing me through all the trials because he knows the plan for me.
My friends have been extremely amazing! I don't quite know what I would have done without them these last few weeks as I have faced some personal challenges that God is helping me through. I thank God for my friends everyday. In life we are faced with many challenges, and fear of the unknown. That fear can be completely overwhelming if you do not give them all to God. It is tough at times but surrender your heart to God and you will no longer be afraid. That is how I went six months with not knowing if my tumor was cancerous or not <3. Psalm 27:1 says "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be  afraid?" Just remember that God is in control and he loves you more than you'll ever know!!

I love you all so much and thank you for your continued prayers and support!! I have definitely felt the prayers <3

Have a safe and happy 4th of July!!! *** <--- Fireworks =P

God bless you all <3
Much Love


-Alyssa

Through The Hands of A Surgeon

This post is going to be probably the most reflective, hard, happy, beautiful, post for me that I have done. This time in my life is where I have been the most scared, but the closest to God.

It all started about 6 years ago now when I started being unable to walk. It was a long process of going to see 24 doctors, 5 neurologists, a physical therapist, chiropractor and having countless MRI's, CT scans, EMG's, EEG's, and blood tests before figuring out on December 19th 2011 that I had a rare neuromuscular disorder know as Myasthenia Gravis. I have since been put on medicine that lessens the severity of the symptoms of this life altering disease. 

I had an appointment with my neurologist to have an MRI of my chest to check my lung strength because of my disease, and right after my church conference that I had been too, January 9th 2012 I learned that I had a pingpong ball size tumor attached to my thymus gland that was growing close to my heart. We had to make a decision, not knowing if it was cancerous or not and because of the location, it was impossible to biopsy. I made a decision that I was not going to worry about it, leave it completely in God's hands and that I would finish my freshman year at Winona State. With lots of prayers and support from family, friends and my church family at The Edge, I was comforted. I never really was scared at all because I had complete faith in God that he would take care of me and he already knew the outcome so there was no need for me to worry. 

May 8th - Surgery Day

We woke up at about 6 am as we needed to be at the hospital by 8. With me, my best friend Kayla who had driven 4 hours the night before to be there for me, and my mom, we headed to the hospital with my sister and her friend Emilee following behind us. We met my dad at the hospital. I was walking in the skyway to registration and the sky was absolutely beautiful. I was completely at peace. I saw my dad, hugged everyone, and headed back to get ready. While I was back there I had a few minutes to myself while the nurse was busy and thats when I had the clearest conversation with God that I had ever had in my life before. It was beautiful. Shortly after that the nurse brought my family back to say one last goodbye to Kayla and my sister before I went to surgery. It was very emotional for me as I hugged my best friend. It was so special to have her there. My mom and dad came to the Pre-Op room with me right until they took me back for surgery. I got my IV, kissed my parents goodbye and was wheeled down what seemed like a million different hallways. The lights were bright above my head and I was still whispering to Jesus. We finally got to the room and there were about 15 people in there waiting for me. It was a sea of blue. People dressed from head to toe in sterile gowns and masks. They put me on the bed and tucked me in. The nurse put a mask on my face to put me to sleep and I talked to Jesus until I couldn't remember talking to him anymore. 

I woke up about 3 hours later in lots of pain but I had made it =) I started talking to Jesus again. The nurses told me that the first person I was asking for when I got out of surgery was Kayla. That makes perfect sense to me =). Before I knew it, my family was by my side and Kayla was holding my hand. I don't remember much for a while after that. It was such an amazing blessing to have my family there by my side through every thing. I cannot even describe to you in words how it felt knowing they were there. 

After coming out of surgery. Mom put a flower in my hair. 

Ashley and I that night

My hospital stay I will never forget. I had amazing nurses and doctors, and in my opinion, the best surgeon in the world. I had tubes coming out of my belly, and my oxygen dropped very low a few times. Every time I got up to go to the bathroom, I had to drag all of the machines along and carried the long tubes that were sticking out of me, gross I know. The second night we had a medicine mishap that left me violently throwing up, if you can imagine how that felt after having your chest split. 

I'll never forget the first nurse I had, her name was Nora. She was the nurse my whole first day after surgery. I talked to her about God, we had a beautiful conversation about faith and we sang hymns together. She said "I have never done this before but can I hug you? You are full of so much life and light for Jesus." To me, that was so beautiful to hear that I was still shining for Jesus less than 24 hours after being (as according to the guy from the blood lab) "split open like a thanksgiving turkey." I also had a nurse Kristina, who wore a flower in her hair one day because I had always had one in mine =)

I stayed in the hospital for 5 days and had a lot of lovely visitors, my family was always there. My grandpa was even there and he was having brain surgery a week later. He is doing great, Praise God. I came home on my sisters birthday where I laid on the couch for about a week. Of course getting up several times to move around, do breathing exercises, go to the bathroom etc. 

My grandma from South Carolina was here for 2 weeks to take care of me as mom and dad had to go to work and Ashley was at school. I simply could have not done it without her!! Shout out to you Grandma Chris!! Thank you again and love you!!

Nathan has also been amazingly wonderful. He has been very understanding, caring and helpful, even when I may have been in pain, crabby, tired or just short on patience. 

It has been one month from my surgery (tuesday, tomorrow). I am getting better and better every day. My ribs, sternum and lungs are all healing as they should be, my x-rays looked great and my incision is healing as well. 

Part of my scar, about 4 more inches down towards my tummy. You can still see bruising

Just takin it one day at a time (tank-top not bra)

This is an experience I will never forget, and one that I would not change for the world. It was not "FUN" by any means, but it made me appreciate life even more than I already do. 

Thank you all so much for your love, prayers and continued support. I love you all more than words can even describe. Don't ever forget that nothing is impossible with God. 

Phillipians 4:13 - I CAN do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength 

- <3 Alyssa

Time To Turn The Page

Another chapter in life has just come to an end in this book of life has come to an end. What a beautiful chapter it has been. My freshman year of college. I have gone through more struggles, had more blessings, made more wonderful friends and been happier than I ever have before in my life. It was such a beautiful experience getting to know everyone. This year I have made many lifelong friendships. It is amazing to look back and see how God has helped, blessed and most importantly used me this year. As I sit here tonight and reflect it is bittersweet as I will never again be a freshman in college, but someday when I tell my future (yes grandma, I said FUTURE) children about this experience, I can tell them how wonderful it was. Tonight I take the next step in my leadership journey at church, and on Tuesday I start a whole new phase of life, TUMOR FREE!!! =) I will be extremely blessed to be surrounded by Mom, Dad, Ashley and my beautiful best friend Kayla. Nathan's family will come later in the day. God has put amazing people in my life and has equipped me with an amazing support system. I am not scared at all!!  I have already been surrounded in prayers and God's love has given me peace.

I want to thank every single one of my readers for all of your support, love, prayers, and beautiful messages. I thank you to all of you who have been so kind and loving to me this year, especially my wonderful RA's (Jess, Megan, Briana, Autumn and Calli) who I will miss VERY much!!! You guys are so awesome, my freshman year of college would not have been the same without you.

This is officially my last post from my dorm room as a college freshman. Tomorrow I will be a Sophomore. How time flies (I can hear Grandma Jan saying Wow I'm Old!!).

Tuesday I will have my surgery and move forward towards a new life. Now as this chapter in life comes to a close, it is officially "time to turn the page."

Love you all so so much

-
Alyssa

Reflections

Wow it is hard to believe how fast time goes!! I am almost done with my first year here at Winona. This last year has been the biggest blessing, scariest yet most exciting and rewarding time of my life. I have grown so much closer to God through experiences that are too many to count. I have met amazing friends, and wonderful people along the way. I was diagnosed officially with my disease in December and have been doing wonderful since then. In just a few short weeks, I will be having my surgery which will be a full Sternotomy Thymectomy. For my readers who are not in medical school (don't worry, I am not either) that means I am having my Thymus gland and the tumor on it removed.
I have been so insanely blessed in ways I couldn't have even imagined. The night before I came to Winona, I had a conversation with my mom about how I just had a feeling that something significant was going to happen this year. Something special. I have had several special things happen so I couldn't pick just one that would be the one I was talking about that night. Some of my blessings this year include

• Growing in my faith
• Leading my friends to the Lord
• Having FABULOUS RA's!!
• Being able to work with the kids in the schools
• Meeting all of the friends that I have
• Getting to share my love for Jesus with others
• Being able to walk again and getting to do normal activities with my friends without limitations
• Seeing God clearly working in my heart and through people around me
• Starting to see where my life is going
• Being supported to unbelievable amounts by my family
• Developing lifelong friendships

The list continues and keeps growing as I am continually blessed by God. 

As the year ends it is very bittersweet. I have enjoyed living in the dorm that I do with all of the wonderful people that I live with. I will miss them next year but look forward to seeing them on campus. 

It is so hard to believe I am almost a sophomore in college. It seems like I just graduated and was getting ready to leave home. Time flies. 

I hope that everyone is well. The flu and bad colds have been going around. Take care and God bless you all!!!! I will probably post one more time before my surgery but not much before then as the school year is coming to a fast and busy close. Love you all!!!

- Alyssa

Life is Beautiful

Wow two posts in one week?! I must be on a roll! I hope everyone is having a wonderful week even though it is only Tuesday =). I know I am. It has been very stressful these last few weeks, but as always, I look at life as one big blessing. I had a beautiful conversation last night with a friend about how so many things in life all depend on how you look at them. Attitude is absolutely everything. If you wake up in the morning and say to yourself "well today is going to suck." Well guess what?! It is!!! If you have that mindset you already are looking at everything in a negative way. I sometimes wake up and feel extremely week or icky, but I tell myself it is going to be a good day. Some days are tough, and we all have bad days. We all go through tough stuff, but God promises that he will never give us more than we can handle. Lately I have really felt pushed to my limit and there have been several instances recently when I have said to people I am close to that God must think I am extremely strong, because life has been anything but easy this last month. I continue to grow closer to God through the trials I have gone through, which to me makes it all worth it.

Sometimes in life, I feel that I know what is best for myself, but if I got to map out my life and if all the plans that I thought were good for me or were meant to be happened instead of letting God take control, man would I be screwed up. One of my favorite bible verses is Jeremiah 29:11. It says
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I am so glad someone has it figured out because I sure don't!
Even though my life has been anything but easy, to me it is beautiful because I let God take control as he is the author of my days. 
Tonight we had bible study up on Garvin Heights in Winona. It was so beautiful. I have never been up there. I really liked it. If any of my readers come to visit me that are not in Winona, I will take you up there!!! I hope everyone is having a blessed week! It is a short one for most of us as Friday is Good Friday. The day my personal Lord and Savior payed the ultimate price for my sin on the cross so that one day I could spend eternity in Heaven free of sin. I hope you all have a wonderful Easter. 

Up on top of Garvin Heights for Bible Study <3

Surgery

My official surgery date is set for May 8th at 8:30 am at Southdale hospital in Edina MN. My tumor will be removed that day, along with my thymus gland. It will then be tested for cancer.  Many people ask me if I am scared. My answer continues to be no. I have absolutely no reason to be afraid because all of my trust is in the Lord. He has a plan for me, and anything that happens is all in his hands. I trust completely in him, and whatever happens is in his control. I do at times get nervous, but then I pray for reassurance, and hope. God has given me so much strength throughout my last 5 years with this disease, it continues to amaze me. Even though somedays physically I have been too weak to walk, get dressed on my own, and even brush my hair without help, I have felt so strong through my God. I look completely to him to get me through the weakest of my days.
I thank all of you for the love and support. The kind words are so humbling. I appreciate your prayers. God bless every single one of you <3 Also I want to say a special thank you to those of you who tell me time and time again that you think I am strong. It means a lot to hear that. I get all of my strength from God. He is the reason I am strong, the reason I am happy through the scariest time of my life, the reason I continue to have hope on hopeless days, and the reason I believe. A very special friend of mine posted on her wall the other day the words "My God is stronger than the grave." These are the words from one of my favorite songs. God absolutely stronger than anything. With him, we all are as well. With God, we can face any mountain or trial with confidence.

I thank you all again from the bottom of my heart for every prayer, every kind word, and every reassuring hug. I love you all so much! God bless <3

To have the words to say

First of all, yes I know it has been very long, and yes I know Nathan tells me I often start my blog posts this way, but this has been the longest I have ever gone without posting. I have opened my blog several times, and started to type, but just never had the words to say.

Ill start with Spring Break. It was an absolutely amazing time. I got to see my friends and family. I spent time with the most special person in the world to me, my sister Ashley. She is my everything. I had a Mary Kay party which was very fun, I went on a date with Nathan, and a double date with our best friends. The last thing was one of my very favorite parts, my doctors appointment, which leads me to my next thought.

The last weekday of my spring break, which was Friday, I had my doctors appointment with my Neurologist. This appointment was to see if I would need steroid treatments for my lungs before surgery because with my disease, my lungs are weak, and may not tolerate surgery well. My neurologist talked to my surgeon and they decided that my lungs are strong enough for surgery without the steroids!! Praise God!! Steroids can have harmful side effects. I am just so unbelievably blessed. I could not possibly love life any more than I do. I feel like I may be the happiest person alive!! =)

I thank all of you for reading my blog, I love all of you so much!!  I have been so busy, I promise I will update more during summer, since I will have nothing but time from being laid up. I am looking forward to that time as I will be able to get further in my book "Strength Through Jesus" about going through life with a diagnosed disease. I am also looking forward to all of the uninterrupted time I will get to spend with God. This experience has helped me continue to grow. Yes it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, but I would not change one single minute of it. This journey has completely changed my life. I have learned to live every single moment for Jesus Christ, and to me that is worth it all. 

Love you all, God bless you, and enjoy this beautiful weather and these amazing days in God's creation!!!!

P.S. If you want to, leave me a comment and let me know you were here! =) it's nice to know who reads my blog so I can thank you personally. God bless you!!!! <3

Grateful

This week has been really tough because of midterms, so to my grandma's, I apologize for not posting.
Lately, I have been having a really hard time gripping the harsh reality of the long term effects of my disease, and all of the risks that surgery will contain in a few short months. I pray to God every day that I do not dwell on those horrible things, as he has them all under control. I have been talking to people from my Myasthenia Gravis support group, and they have all said that the surgery was excruciating, and your sternum will pop for a few months and you may hear the wires crunching, but in the long run, it was the best decision they have made was to have surgery as it improved their quality of life. I however do not have a choice as whether or not to have surgery as I have a growing tumor in my chest cavity. It will all be okay, I have faith in God.
Sorry, that was sort of my little venting session.
I am eternally grateful for the absolutely amazing support I have gotten from my wonderful friends here in Winona. They have kept me sane. My bible study girls have been here for me and praying for me which has been so amazing. I want to take a minute to thank those of you who have been praying for me this week especially. I am not going to name anyone as I am afraid I would miss someone. You are all so wonderful. It has been really stressful with midterms, as stress escalates my disease, and makes it worse and harder to deal with. The support system I have, brings me to tears almost every time I think about it. I constantly have people telling me how strong I am, how they are praying for me, and how they look up   to me. That to me is constantly amazing. I see people all over campus wearing my support bracelets, and about brings the tears every time. Seeing that support and feeling it, I cannot put into words. And then on top of that I have my biggest supporters which are my family. My mom who has never ever given up on me or stopped believing in me, my dad and the rest of my family. Also Nathan. He has been by my side for almost three years now and has held my hand through every single thing and has loved me regardless of what I was going through. His family has been wonderful as well. I am eternally grateful. Lastly, to the amazing RA's of Sheehan, who are always here for me when I need them most, especially Megan, who has been the older sister I prayed for when I was little. Calli, who always tells me how sweet I am and gives the greatest hugs. Jessica, who can make me smile even when tears are running down my cheeks, and I go in her room for one thing and then we talk for four hours. Briana, who listens to me no matter what, always knows what to say and always encourages me. And of course Autumn who always tells me she is so excited to see me walking, and how happy for me she is =) They have all been soo wonderful!!
I am so unbelivably blessed, I can hardly put it into words how grateful I am, and how blessed I am by God. He just keeps revealing wonderful things to me. I could not possibly love life any more than I do now. Thank you again everyone for all of you prayers. God bless every single one of you. I love you all so much!! xoxo
Alyssa <3

Much Needed Weekend!

This weekend couldn't have come faster. Tomorrow my family is coming to see me, and my precious Godchild Braden is going to stay with me in my dorm and I cannot wait! He is quite the charmer, and this dorm has 520 girls!! He is going to be in his element haha! My family is staying in a hotel so we will get to go swimming!! One of my very favorite things to do =)

God has continued to put amazing people in my life. I am so overwhelmingly blessed by the way he is working in my heart, and by showing me how he is working in other people. I have definitely had personal growth, along with being able to watch others that I am very close to, grow as well. God is so amazing and so wonderful. A lot of people ask me if I am scared for my surgery this summer. My response is always "no." It will continue to be no. I put all my faith and trust in God. He is the one who is in charge and in control of my life and what happens, not me. I can either sit here, worry and have a heart attack over it, or I can give it to God and be at peace in knowing that he is in control and he already has it covered. God is cool like that =). So no, I am not scared. God already knows what will happen, and he has a plan. People also tell me I am strong. Well thank you, that means a lot to me, it really does, but all of that strength comes from God. Without him I am no one at all. I have no strength without the Lord because he IS my strength. I do not have to dwell on the bad things in life. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 46:10 Be Still and know that I am God. I love that verse, because God has it all under control. My life is anything but easy, but with God, it is all possible. He is the author of my days, and the lover of my soul. Why would I need to worry?  =) I'm so glad that he has it all figured out because I sure don't. Glad someone does! haha

Recently one of my friends who I have been praying for a lot, is coming to know the Lord, so praise God for that!

Have a safe and wonderful weekend everyone! I love you all! As always, thank you for reading my blog and keeping up with my hectic life!! God bless you, and thank you for your prayers!!

Busy Week

I have been really busy lately, therefore neglected to post. 19 credits can be extremely time consuming. Anyway, hello everyone. Many of you know that from the doctor, I got the results so many of you (thank you) were praying for. I will have surgery in May, I will have a full sternal split, which is the same process as open heart surgery. My thymus glad, and thymoma (tumor on thymus gland) will be removed. A needle biopsy proved impossible due to the location, so looking at the shape of it, they are going to trust that it is cancer free. In preparation for my surgery, I will undergo IVIG treatment, which is a therapy that will strengthen my lungs, therefore reducing the risk that I will go into respiratory failure. People with my disease do not do well in surgery because of weak lungs. If I do not have this therapy, there is a chance that I will end up in the ICU on a breathing machine and have a lung infection, do not want that, therefore I will be going thru lung treatments before the surgery. I do not know the specific date of my surgery but it will be sometime around May 15th. It will be at Southdale hospital in Edina MN. I will be in the hospital about 3 days if no complications arise. Will let u know more on that as it gets closer. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support. I will post a picture of my chest scan below so you can see my tumor.

                 The two white masses in the middle of my chest that look like a butt, is my tumor. The black is my lung cavity, you can also see my ribs on the outside. I thought this was fascinating.

School has been very busy, I have had a lot of stressful events in my life lately. My RA Jessica was wonderful this week. I had a complete breakdown and she was there to help me through it. She made me feel so much better. I mention the RA's a lot in my posts, but they are simply wonderful, and I cannot nor would I want to imagine my freshman year without them.

Well Valentines day is on Tuesday. I am sad that I will not get to be with my Valentine. He will be here in spirit. He also told me he sent me something special in the mail =). Cannot wait to get it!!

Tuesday is the one year anniversary of the day my Nana flew home to be with Jesus. It will be tough, but peaceful knowing she is home with her family in Heaven. She is celebrating with her husband, my grandpa Walter. Cannot believe it has been a year already. Wow how time flies.

Well thats all I have time for now, but I love all of you so much, I love all your wonderful comments, please feel free to message me on facebook anytime as well! I love hearing from you!! Much love to you all and God bless you!!

Faith

My faith has definitely been tested this week. It was a rough one, extremely stressful, and lots of tough things happening. I met a wonderful wonderful friend this week, sadly we will be apart as she will be leaving Winona. God has truly blessed me in such a short amount of time. What an amazing gift she is to me. I love her so much. Sometimes friends come into our lives for a short time, but leave a lasting impact.
           I am home now, as I will have my appointment and biopsy of the mass in my chest on Monday. Am I scared? I would be lying if I said no. I am giving it all to God, and relying on him. It will all work out.
          I have been living on Faith. God has a plan for me, and he will do what is meant to be. I just need to keep believing that as hard as it is sometimes. 


As Jeremiah 29:11 says

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Life

My boyfriend informed me that I start out almost every blog with "wow it's been awhile," haha, didn't realize I did that but I guess I do. Therefore I will be starting this entry different!! =) 

College has been pretty crazy, as I am extremely busy, but I always am no matter where I go!! I am currently taking 18 credits, and next week will start a mentorship program. Crazy, I know. I am also very involved with church so I am always on the go. Praise God that this entire semester (yes I know it has been only two weeks) I have gone without my cane or scooter everywhere!! My medicine is helping me kick some serious MG (myasthenia gravis) butt!! I haven't felt this good in such a long time!! I have had amazing support from family and friends especially. I could not be getting through what I am without God. He has been so faithful to me, and I don't deserve it at all. I am so incredibly thankful for the amount of prayer I have recieved. It continues to amaze me. So thank you thank you THANK YOU to all of you!!

Many of you know my sister has been very sick, and I pray everyday that God will heal her and make her better. She is on a lot of medication and is still not able to shake whatever she has. She has been very miserable. Please say a prayer for a quick healing for her. 

I am very blessed to have my roommate back again, as she was very ill and was not able to start school right away so praise God that she is back and doing well!!

Many of you have been asking about the tumor in my chest. I am meeting with the surgeon on February 6th to do a biopsy to see if cancer cells are present, and when surgery will be done. We are praying that it can wait until summer so I will not need to leave Winona. It will all be according to God's plan, so whatever happens I will be okay with. 

I am looking very much forward to going home in two weeks to spend the weekend with my grandma from South Carolina! =) She is taking Nathan and I out to dinner and then we will go home and all watch a movie together!! Can't wait, she absolutely adores Nathan and I love that =)

I hope you are all having a wonderful week and are staying warm!! It is very icy and slippery here in Winona. The sidewalks are like skating rinks and I have almost gone down a few times!! Everyone stay safe out on the roads! I hope you are all healthy as there are many "bugs" going around.

God bless each and every one of you! I love you all!!!

- Alyssa <3

Well I just finished my first two days of the semester and.. WOW, did I learn the new definition of busy. Man alive, I never thought it was possible to have so much homework in two days. Well boy was I wrong. I was very overwhelmed. I just didn't have my head where it needed to be. Not sure I even do yet, but I am getting there slowly. I am very excited to see everyone though =). The first person I got to see was one of y very very favorite RA's =). It was also really sweet because later that night one of my other favorite ones came up just to say hi to me. They make me feel so loved, I absolutely ADORE them! =) <3.

Well today and yesterday I walked to every single class without my scooter or cane. Something I never thought would be possible. I also walked to and from bible study at my church which is about a mile. For those of you who know what the last 5 years have been like know that this was a big deal for me =). Maybe not to the average person, but when I felt more and more like I was going the other way on the spectrum, it was a huge accomplishment. Of course I owe all of the glory to God!! I would be nowhere without him, in fact I wouldn't even be here at all! (another story for another time. If you're curious, ask me and I will probably tell you).

I am praying very intently this week for a number of people. You know who you are so I won't go into detail, but just know that God loves all of you (everyone reading this) and he has a special plan for your life. He will guide you through the pain. I love all of you so much and I thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Also a special thank you to Nathan who has went above and beyond to help me these last couple days as I have been struggling with various things. He is so encouraging and uplifiting. I thank God everyday that he led me to him. <3 love you sweetie (if you read this, if you don't i still love you anyway =P)

Love all of you, God bless and have a wonderful week!!

What a Break It Has Been (lots of info)

wow it has definitely been a while. It has been a very busy break! God has definitely continued to have been at work in my life! I just got home from the SALT conference in Sioux Falls SD with my church. That was amazing, God transformed so many lives in those four days, including mine. I heard him speak to me in ways I never have before. I really enjoyed being a part of that.

I had a pretty good Christmas. Seeing how my parents are divorced, I had multiple celebrations with different family. The hard one was going to Iowa to be with my step grandma because her son (my step uncle) passed away three months ago. That was very sad. Otherwise it was a wonderful week seeing and spending time with family. New years was fun as well. I spent it with close friends.

December 19th 2011 I was diagnosed with Myesthenia Gravis (MG). It has definitely been a trial these last few weeks, but my medicine has been working wonderfully! Praise God for that.
Yesterday the doctors found a 1 inch mass in my chest. They are thinking it is a Thymoma which is a tumor on my thymus gland. This may have been causing my MG. In March I will have a biopsy followed by a possible thymectomy (splitting of the sternum and chest bone to remove the thymus.

In April, the 25th - 27th, mom and I are going to the national MG conference in Las Vegas. There will be neurologists and specialists from all over the nation that are specialized in this disesase. I look forward to finding out more about this and how to live with it.

Tomorrow I will return to Winona to start my final semester as a freshman!! I am excited to see everyone, but at the same time, not ready to leave home. I will be taking 18 credits, and student teaching on Mondays so I will be very busy. It will be a semester that I will especially need to rely on God for guidance. Monday's I will leave my dorm at 7am and have things going on until 9:15 at night. YIKES!!

I know this was a long post, but it has been awhile. I want to thank all of you for your continued prayers and support as I am on this kind of a medical roller coaster. Your prayers and love mean the world to me. Also thank you to so many of you for your supportive and loving messages. They give me so much encouragement. I love all of you soo much!!!

God Bless you in this new year!!!